The Daley's have always lived by their own set of rules. Thanksgiving Day is no exception and they have rules that govern that day also. Yes...there are sometimes deviants to these rules but they are rare and dealt with by the oldest Daley female, who is also the oldest Daley. As a matter of fact, this is a rule. Any deviants of a rule on Thanksgiving will be reminded of the infraction for the next year by the eldest female. She means business, we call her the enforcer. For one day, she makes sure we obey the laws of the Daley Thanksgiving. We fear the consequences if we do not follow these rules. Here are just a few of 'the rules'.
Planning
The oldest female is in charge of calling other family members and encouraging them to come to her house for a traditional turkey dinner on Thanksgiving. Those family members who live within an hour and a half must participate. Those that live further than one and a half hours away but less than three hours have the option of coming. Those that live more than three hours away should not come as it would be a waste of time and gas. Those that cannot come are on their own and must provide an alternative for their holiday dinner. Those that cannot come must, however, call the oldest females house between noon and two to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. Those driving to the event who have children must listen to Christmas music on their drive. The father of said children must sing Elvises "I'll have a Blue Christmas without you" as loud as possible until the children cry. Those without children may listen to whatever they wish.
The Turkey Trot
All family members under the age of 50 who live in an area where there is a Turkey Trot run must participate. Line up for the race is as follows: Those with athletic ability and who train daily must line up in the front of the group of runners. Those with a moderate amount of training, for instance, those who train for exercise and socialization, must start in the middle. Those who do not exercise with any consistancy must start in the back and discuss how insane it is to get up at 7 am to run a race. Those with strollers and dogs must also start in the back. At least one of the "elite" runners must wear shorts. (Even if it is below zero). The back of the pack runners must comment on this runner stating "he/she must be crazy". After the race, runners must compare times. Those who did not do well must make up an excuse such as "I hurt my knee yesterday" or "I am not use to the cold"
The Meal
Dressing up for the meal is optional for everyone. In fact, it is generally discouraged. Wearing comfortable cloths is mandatory. Females over 50 must help prepare and serve the feast. The rest of the females may help if they so chose but are not obligated to do so. All males must stay out of the kitchen. Those not helping in the kitchen must watch the Macy's Parade. All children must make comments on the lip synching the singers do. All males over 25 must comment on the Rockettes legs. Everyone must yell "Here comes Salta Claus!" at the end of the
parade. Adults must discuss how soon Christmas will be here and then fret over how they will afford it with this economy. Seating at the dinner table is as follows: Those older than 50 get the good chairs. (you know...with arms and cushions). Those between 20 and 50 must get their own folding chairs from the basement. Those under 15 must fend for themselves and grab the computer chair or hassock. The oldest male must comment on the "lumpy potatoes" just to be a wise ass. Everyone must make a statement about what they are thankful for. The oldest male must make a sarcastic remark like "I am thankful for erasers" (he is an accountant). The second oldest male must give a lesson on what the "real" Thanksgiving was like and how the Native Americans were treated. (He is a History teacher). All during the meal, there should be a minimum of 3 conversations going at once. Table manners are not nescessary during the meal. In fact, many times they are discouraged. The second oldest female should make a comment on how gross the turkey looks and call it a dead carcasss. (She is a vegitarian ). The oldest female should counter "I refuse to make a tofurky".
After the Meal
The oldest females must clean up the table. Other females may join in if they wish. The males are still not allowed in the kitchen. The oldest males without children must state "I am so full" just before they recline in the recliners and fall asleep. All football fans must grab a beer and watch the game. All children and parents must go for a walk. The walk must be to the golf course about a quarter mile away. (Vassar College). The picture above is where we look for balls. (I think I see us behind the trees) All participants in the walk must look for golf balls. All must make bets on how many they will find and who will find the most. The fathers must make stupid puns such as "this really tees me off". Those who remain at the house must look at the local ads for Black Friday with the males stating "it is crazy to go out that early just to shop" right before they give their lists to the females.
Going Home
Everyone must leave the house by 9:00 pm. Those who watch the show "Survivor" must watch it while those that do not enjoy the show make fun of them. The oldest male in each family must do the driving home. The oldest female should claim "no one is going to have to rock me to sleep tonight" or some other remark referring to how tired they are. On the way home, the youngest in the family must state "I'm hungry".
Although the Daley's do enjoy some traditional aspects to their Thanksgiving, they also deviate from the norms quite a bit. They do not dress up, table manners are not essential and what other family goes golf ball hunting on Thanksgiving? Think of a way that you and your family deviates from the norms on a holiday that you celebrate. Tell me about that tradition.
